eHow to Cut Down a Christmas Tree

I was lucky enough to write the book (OK, the web entry on ehow.com) on this topic recently, so I knew what we were getting into when we drove out to Tracy's Tree Farm yesterday to chop down our annual Noble. There was the familiar parking lot, the rusty saws, the Brahma bull and Texas Longhorm behind barbed wire. But this time, when we'd finally decided on the tree of our dreams (or the tree of our compromise), when our teenage son declined to cut down the tree, I threw myself down on the ground, saying, "I'll do it."
I'm sure my wife was shocked, but she didn't say so straight out.
The saw must have been sharper than usual, because I got it down in no time, and we carried it to be bundled without incident.
I was covered with mud.
Then I got to cut off the trunk when we got home, too, though that saw was significantly duller.
My wife said she's concerned about becoming redundant. If I'm willing to saw in mud, I may learn to use power tools, and then what would I need her for?
I felt quite chuffed at weilding a saw or two so willingly.
The kids were a bit tired and grumpy after a long party the night before (the annual lesbian mothers' potluck, complete with 22lb happy living turkey that our smallest child refused any part of--he thought it was sad), and decorated slowly and without their usual vigor.
The house is now decked with 77 miniature trees in addition to the 6 foot Noble in the dining room. To see my spouse's amazing photography of some of the 77 trees, go to Brian Marki Gallery on NE Broadway, just west of 24th, through December.

On the laptop: eHow to Explain Your Third Child to the Parents of Only Children
On the easel: Tangerine the white cat
On the art table: drawings of sisters
On the nightstand: At Bertram's Hotel by Agatha Christie
On tape: The China Governess
On my mind: my sick son, December flying by already, an old friend who called, Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer